Sunday, January 30, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Coming Back

Sunday!  Well, for just a few minutes longer.  I'm coming to this late this week.
I have been looking forward to writing my Stream of Consciousness Sunday post, an antidote to Friday's long doubled-up post, to yesterday's oh, so long involved, photo laden on-and-on show-off fest.  But it's been an all-kids-all-the-time Sunday.  Until now.

So, today: the promise of short and sweet.  And tomorrow?  I've already written it, shorter and sweeter: a really, really, really funny Ethan story.  So tune in tomorrow, again, for that.

But now, to set the timer and let it whirl.  I'm oh so tired... wonder what's going to pour out....

I am coming back into my body, slowly, beginning to inhabit it more fully now, three and a half weeks into my recovery from my operation. Nearly a month. Not back to 100% but I can see it on the horizon, somewhere there, visible.

I no longer cringe when my children come near me, boisterous. I open doors that require a bit more than a bit of a pull without being reminded of my abdominal muscles part in all things strenuous required of my body.

And as I start to feel more like myself, like the old me, it gets me to thinking what I want to keep and what to change as I come back ‘round.  Because the recent “old me” is not nearly the same as the old “old me,”  Yes that one, the one before time began, before I had kids (in other words) and my body was no longer my own.

I have let my connection to my body, to the physical side of me fall by the wayside so much in recent years, and as I contemplate the return of my abdominal muscles, the return of my physical self to my life, I want to do it better this time around.

I don’t know what this means yet, maybe yoga, maybe running, maybe just starting each day with a stretch, but something’s gotta give.  I see my mother at 88, so locked in by her lack of physical movement, her knees deeply arthritis-bound, her pain, her inability to walk 2 blocks so severely limiting her life.  I do not want that.  I want to be limber, energetic to be able to play with my grandkids someday.  And I know the time to start this change is now.

This week I took Jake to basketball for the first time since I had my first gall bladder attack there in early December. Next week I will be the one to take Jake bowling on Sunday (his new favorite pastime), finally able to pick up a ten pound bowling ball without pain.

Next week I will do something, anything, I don’t yet know what, but I will figure it out… something to bring me back to me, to inhabit my body and not just schlep it around like so much overweight baggage.

Next week.

And, that's all she wrote!  New to Stream of Consciousness Sundays?  Here's the skinny:

  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell-checking. This is writing in the raw.
You can do it, too!  Click on the link and let's hear your 5 minutes of brilliance...

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