Showing posts with label Apples don't fall far from trees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Apples don't fall far from trees. Show all posts

Friday, January 6, 2012

Go (the F) to sleep, Ethan.


Ethan was talky, talky, talky tonight at bedtime.

Again.

Sigh.

The gems:

E: You know what, Mom?

Me: Ethan, it's very late, you're going to be tired and cranky in the morning. Go to sleep now.

E: Know what I love the most? Life! Being alive!

Me: That's great! I'm glad you feel that way.

E: Know what the best thing in the world is?

Me: Go to sleep, Ethan.

E: Getting to be alive.

Me: OK, Ethan that's a great feeling, now stop talking and go to sleep.

E: Want to hear a great tongue tickler word?

Me: No, I want...

E: Zucchini! Isn't that a great word? I love tongue ticklers.

Me: Ethan, talking is keeping you awake. Stop talking, lie still and you will fall asleep.

E: But what would happen if someone tried to REALLY tickle your tongue, like stick their hand in your mouth and...

Me: Tongues aren't actually ticklish, Ethan they're... STOP we are not having a discussion, you are going to sleep.

E: But what about...

Me: No but. Stop. Go to sleep.

E: So is Tigerclaw really all bad or is there still some good in him?

(Yes, he's just started reading the Warriors series. Months of confusing, similar sounding cat-character names lie in my future.)

Me: You'll find out yourself, as you read. You're not roping me into book talk. Shhh. Sleep.

E: But do you think...

Me: Shhhhh.

E: Mooooom, I was in the middle of saying something!

Me: Yes, and that's the problem. You cannot talk and sleep at the same time.

E: But I'm not sleepy, and I WANT to talk!

(lightbulb going on over the mother's head)

Me: You miss Dad, don't you? 

E: Yes, I do, I really do! (big sniffle) I just feel so sad that he's not here and it's going to be days and days before he comes back home. I wish we could just instantaneously transport ourselves to Seattle so he could kiss me goodnight.

Me: Me too, honey, me too. I keep thinking he's about to walk in the door at any minute, then I remember he's on a trip. We'll call him tomorrow, OK?

E: OK, Mom.

(forehead kiss)

Me: Sleep now, babe.

E: I love you, you're the best mom in the whole world. For me that is. I'm sure everyone else thinks their mom is the best, too.

Me: I love you, too, kid. Now, no more words, REALLY. Time. For. Sleep.

(2 minutes later, cue light snoring)


This post is part of the Weekend Rewind blog hop. Join in! Link up an old post for new comment love.


Looking for comments? To read or leave a comment, click on THIS post's title, or HERE, to bring you to the post's page view. Comments should appear below.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Ass Forwards Days


Jacob has put his underwear on backwards again this morning. It doesn’t happen often anymore, but still, occasionally I will come into the living room prompted by Jake’s “I’m dressed Mommy!” shout-out, to find them on the wrong way.

Then, like this morning, I have to tell him “No, Jake, they’re backwards, let’s get that fixed” and not just the usual “That’s a good start, Jake, how about the shirt and pants, too?”

And it reminded me of last Thanksgiving when I had watched my husband squirming a bit too much in his seat on the way-long car ride up to Putnam county where we were to be feasting at my sister-in-law’s house.

I asked him why he was acting like he has shpilkes and he confessed that HE had put his underwear on backwards that morning, and they were a bit shy of comfortable. He hadn’t noticed until he was taking a quick final pee before setting out. And, as we were running late (as usual), he hadn't wanted to take the time to remove his shoes, get undressed and redressed again.

And I had to laugh. I had thought the whole backwards underwear thing was a factor of Jake's autistic distractedness, I hadn’t realized it was a family tradition.

And, because I never let an opportunity to gently tease my husband go to waste, all day long I kept referring to his awesomely ass forward undershorts. It helped to have a joke running, to undercut the sad that ran through the day on that Thanksgiving, in that shitty year of loss, the first without my father and Dan's mother.

I also took the occasion this morning to notice how tight Jake’s size 10 to 12 underpants are becoming, same as nearly all his clothing. Time soon for my still nine year-old son, my gentle giant, to move up to the next, full-on teenager's size.

I look at Jacob now and so often see parts of my husband's face looking back at me. I did not know Dan as a child, or even a young man; we met when we were shuffling into middle age, and have well grown deeper grizzled in the thirteen years we have been together.

But in the photos of his childhood I see Jacob, as Ethan so recapitulates my youthful visage. Uncanny really, how one is nearly all mine, the other his.

This morning once again watching my son dressing, eating, drawing yet another picture of his beloved Dragon Ball Z Kai characters, I see shades of the teen he is on the precipice of becoming, the man's body he will inhabit in the fast blink of an eye.

This manly illusion broken by his lilting voice: "Mommy can I pet Cocoa now?" His mind and spirit clearly remain so firmly still in the grasp of childhood, of autism; his obsession with the family cat waxing not waning.

"Cocoa, you're my best friend" he tells her, as he hugs her goodbye for the day. And it's true. She is. And I don't let him see the tears that well in my eyes as we don coats, trudge outside in the semi-darkness to await his school bus.

Thankfully they are gone by the time I sweep my hand across his cheek, kissing his tousled head while intoning my daily admonishment: "Listen to your teachers, work hard, no growling in school!"

I start to walk back inside, and then I turn; I turn and wave.

I wave at the darkened windows of the bus, knowing that inside sits my sweet, gentle giant.

My Jacob.

Just Write


Looking for comments? To read or leave a comment, click on THIS post's title, or HERE, to bring you to the post's page view. Comments should appear below.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Ethan takes over my blog today (the world tomorrow)

Ethan
For a little while now, my nine year-old son Ethan has been wanting some time on my blog to call his own. We have been discussing the possibilities of a guest post; it's been simmering away in the back of my brain.

And then today there was a "publishing party" in his fourth grade classroom. All of the children had written personal narratives and this morning we proud parents got to read them amidst festive food and much excitement.

As I have mentioned from time to time here, Ethan has had issues with writing. Some deadly conflagration of perfectionism, ADD, having writer parents, compliance issues, left handedness, and who all knows what else has created a snarled mess that led to horrible homework wars for the past 2 years; led to a huge differential between his Math and English scores on standardized tests. (He can do math in his sleep.)

And this is not a child who has trouble expressing himself. He is full of ideas, has a huge vocabulary, reads up a storm. He will TALK on any subject until the cows come home, but ask him to write it down and he clams up, freaks out. The translation of thoughts and ideas from brain to page has been a minefield for him.
 
In an attempt to head things off at the pass, knowing that much writing would be required of him this year, we brought in some outside help: Ethan has a writing tutor. And we have not yet had a homework fiasco, though the beginning of his work with the tutor was rocky going,  

Also, it seems, he has a great classroom teacher. Because when we sat down to read his essay, we were blown away, and I knew I had to share it with you here (with Ethan's permission of course).

It is a very PERSONAL personal narrative. While many other students wrote about big moments in their lives, Ethan chose a small one, and not really a happy one, in spite of the (ironic) title. I don't necessarily come out smelling like roses in it, either. 

Read now and hear my son Ethan, in his own words:

@@@@@@@

The Sunny Feeling of My Room By Ethan

I was coming home with my mom and Ellen (my tutor). My mom was in a rush to pick up my brother Jacob from his bus. I wasn’t in a hurry to pick him up. My brother has autism. It’s something that makes his brain work differently.

When we got to my house we waited in the lobby for my brother’s bus.

“Do not yell at Ellen,” Mom told me.
“Okay,” I replied.

Jacob’s bus came about one minute later. The four of us got into the elevator. I pressed five. We got to my apartment and went in.

Jacob kept annoying me.

“Mr. Ethan,” he kept saying to me.
“Stop it!” I yelled.

Mom tried to get him to go on the computer. But he said he wanted to watch television. She got him to watch television in my parents room.

We started working. Ellen told me to write two pages of something. I thought it was too much so I started to yell at her, “That’s too much!”

“No, it isn’t,” she told me. That went on for a while.

Then Mom yelled “Ethan, go to your room!”

I was in my room punching pillows. My teeth were clenching, my rage hissed inside of me like fire. I knocked a pillow across the room. I felt like no one really cared about me. I kicked the wood keeping up my brother’s part of the bunk bed. I somehow felt a little sad inside, like I was going to cry.

There was nothing to do in my room.  My room has yellow walls, a clothing drawer, a shelf with old toys, three old pictures from when I was five, somewhere around fifty stuffed animals, a window, and my bunk bed.

My stomach barked.  I hadn’t ate since lunch at school about three hours ago.  But I couldn’t get out of my room.  I waited but I was too hungry.

“Mom, can I please have a snack?’ I yelled from across the house.

“What?” she replied. (Probably yelling.)

“Can I have a snack?” I said, a little louder. She was coming into my room.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear you,” she said.

“Mom, can I have a snack?” I told her.  She offered me Scooby Snacks. I answered yes. I didn’t really want want them but I didn’t want to starve.

I head butted my bed while I was waiting.  She came back with a large green bowl of Scooby Snacks. They smelled like the sweetest thing on earth. But they tasted even better.

Just as Mom was leaving I thought I would ask her if I could play with some toys.

“Mom, come in here.” I called. She came in.
“What,” she replied
“Can I play with the toys in my room?” I asked.
“No, read your book,” she said, mad. I couldn’t. I can’t eat while I read, I knew.

So I replied, “I can’t eat and read at the same time. But I can eat and play.”

She came back with my book Young Samurai: Way of the Dragon. “Read this when you’re done eating,” she told me.

I did not listen to my mom.  I played with balls called Bakugan. I has just beaten myself for the third time when I heard Mom and Ellen talking.  I didn’t hear what they said but I knew they were talking.

I was half way through my Scooby Snacks, Jacob was watching television. I felt bad, I wanted to do something. I called my mom from across the house. She came in.

“Mom, can I please get out of my room?” I asked.
“If you don’t do what you did again,” she replied.  I felt fire in my heart, I squeaked out a yes.

Ellen was happy to see me back. We had about twenty minutes left.  Soon Ellen left and I started watching television.

When I look back to that day I know not to judge something before you do it. Also don’t get mad because you don’t want to do something. I chose this because I had never been in my room so long before.

@@@@@@@

As I was reading this I kept thinking it read like the kind of blog posts I love: raw, honest, real. It is very revealing.

Other parents who read his story kept coming up to me and marveling at the emotion in it, the awareness of and ability to express his feelings.

It seems my little apple hasn't fallen far from the tree, after all.


Looking for comments? To read or leave a comment, click on THIS post's title, or HERE, to bring you to the post's page view. Comments should appear below.

Monday, July 25, 2011

One Sip

My son Ethan?

Loves coffee. Yes. Coffee.

And he's 9. (OK, not even, but he'll be 9 in a few days, so I have to start thinking of him that way so I don't cry all over him and his twin brother Jake on their birthday, being SO not my babies anymore and all.)

I'm not a bad mother, don't turn me in. It's not like he's really drinking it, I don't pour him a big ol' steaming cup of Joe every morning. 

It's just... you know how whatever you're having, if it looks like you're really enjoying it, if it seems important to you? Your kids want it too. (Well at least the ones typical enough to notice such things.) They can become real pests about it.

Yeah, Ethan is like that. I give the lecture about some things being just for grownups, not good for kids, etc. but still, the lure of the "semi-forbidden-grown-up" thing is strongly at work here, too.

And the whole thing is my own damn fault.

It started out with me, like a fool, letting him have ONE sip, once...  I was thinking: stinking picky eater that he is, he'll hate the taste and that will be the end of it.

Fool.

He LOVED it. (face palm)

Probably because I take mine light and sweet.

So now every time he is around when I'm drinking coffee - especially iced coffee? He wants a sip.

He begs, whines, wheedles and pleads for a sip.

Damn.

And every now and then, for a special treat? I let him have one.

One sip.

And you know how nicely the other mommies at Starbucks look at me when I let him have one there, right? (Yes. Like there was a skull and crossbones on the cup I was offering to him.)

But the thing is, I can't over-emphasize how terrible coffee is for you, because he's likely to want to drink it some day. And also because Ethan has a logical mind, and will want to know why *I* am drinking poison on a daily basis. And he will try to get me to stop.

And that will never do.

Must. Have. Coffee.

So, really, how harmful is one occasional sip of milky coffee, considering the massive unknown load of environmental toxins our bodies are being bombarded with every day? (See, I can justify anything, it's one of my true talents.)

And anyway, he already drinks tea with me regularly. (Sit back in your seats, his is decaf.)

And like Jean-Luc Picard, we prefer Earl Grey, hot.


Note: This post was inspired by a post on "Is There Any Mommy Out There": Sip locusts. It is essentially an expansion of a comment I made on that wonderful post. Thanks, Stacey for being such a moving and inspiring writer. 


Looking for comments? To read or leave a comment, click on THIS post's title, or HERE, to bring you to the post's page view. Comments should appear below.