Showing posts with label Forgetting and Remembering. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgetting and Remembering. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Cheryl

Asked to write about Kindergarten, my usual free-flowing memory fails me.

I spent just one year in that school. (We moved the summer after.)

And of that year? Nothing remains.

The memory box is empty.

Of the building that I entered daily? There is nothing, less than nothing, not even a shadowy pseudo-memory, mocking me with its vagueness. Just... a blank, a black hole.

Of the classroom where many hours were surely logged, I get... nothing. Almost nothing. A feeling that the walls might have been green. The smell of thick paste and finger paint.

I think my teacher's name began with an "F."  Mrs. F... nothing.  I have been told that I loved her, that I looked forward to school each day.

This is inconceivable.

I am someone who has memories of laying in her crib. I have sketched the layout of the city apartment my family inhabited from my birth to age three and a half, accurate to the utter astonishment of my parents.

I remember elevator rides from a two year old's perspective, buttons frustratingly, impossibly high, mockingly out of reach. The shock of a Central Park orange creamsicle to my toddler mouth on a summer day.

I remember. Everything.

But that whole year of my life?

Astonishingly. Nothing.

Except this: a person.

One girl.

A friend.

Brown pigtails. Blue dress. Brown eyes. Brown skin.

Big smile, just for me.

A friend.

A best friend.

Cheryl.

Inseparable.

Until we moved, that afterward summer, to the other side of town. Across the divide: Old Country Road.

A different school, a different, "better" school district. Decidedly paler.

Separated.

Somehow, improbably, our friendship remained intact, though we became occasional friends, different than schoolmates.

Of Cheryl, much remains.

Games of hide and seek with her older brothers Darrell and Victor that always involved basements and crawl spaces, delicious in their slight danger.

The sulfur smell of cap guns mingling with burning leaves on crisp autumn days.

Watching "The Birds" on the little TV in her bedroom and scaring ourselves silly.

The smile that broke across her handsome, dignified, Doctor father's face in the presence of his children.

Her southern raised mother, calling me "Sugar" and melting my heart.

Her mother's home cooking attempting to put some meat on my then skinny bones.

A love pervading that house that was ceaselessly demanding yet unconditional. A rare combination. The sense, always, of high expectations for those children, including the brother with Cerebral Palsy. An example set, which I have never forgotten.

Sleepovers.

Late night whisperings, gigglings. Eventual sleep.

Riding home from a sleepover in her father's strange, wonderful car. The intoxicating smell of sun warmed leather rising up from the seats.

Our neighbors wondering who the hell we knew who drove a Rolls.


This post was inspired by a prompt at The Red Dress Club. This week's RemembeRED assignment was to write a memoir piece about kindergarten.

Please click on the button above, go to the link-up and read the other wonderful posts you'll find there.
 


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Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Wordless Wednesday: Echoes of my Father

My Dad, 1962
(photo by Bruce Steinhardt)

Yesterday I visited my 93 year-old mother-in-law in the hospital. It was my first visit of this particular hospitalization, as I have been busy holding down the home front so my husband, Danny, could spend as much time as possible with her.

“Sure”, I’d said when he gave me the pavilion and room number. “Easy, I know that ward, see you there around noon.”  Bustling about, trying to wrestle order from chaos in our apartment, I did not stop to think for a moment why I knew that ward so well.  So it took me by complete surprise when I burst into tears as I rounded the corner to approach the cardiac care unit.

The one where my father had spent much time in the last year of his life.

He didn’t die there, but still, it was full of memories.

Ghosts.

Echoes.

So here, I want to pay tribute to him once again.

This is one of his important photographs:
Jim Steinhardt
Woman in Greenwich Village Cafe, 1948

And this, his most well known, "signature"  photograph:
Jim Steinhardt
Cement worker, 1955
Here is another legendary one:
Jim Steinhardt
Pearl Seller, 1947
He loved to photograph children at play :
Jim Steinhardt
Girl Playing Hopscotch, 1950
Everyone loves this one:
Jim Steinhardt
Coffee Shop Santa , 1949
Finally, here is my father last year in September, on my Mother’s birthday, during our last good family time. By Thanksgiving he was really ill, by the spring, gone.
Dad, September 2, 2009

Good bye again, Dad. I was thinking of you today, mourning you anew.

Remembering how I would tape up Xeroxes of your photos around your hospital beds to cheer you up.  So we could look at something of beauty in that place of pain and diminishing.  And so we could show the hospital staff “The failing body in this bed was a person.  This old man was somebody.  This is the man who took these beautiful, astonishing photos. Treat him well.”

If you would like to see more of my fathers photos, look here.  And if you would like to know a little about his life, here is my eulogy that I read at his memorial service this past March.

He wanted to be known. He was beloved. He is remembered.


I’m linking up to Wordless Wednesday at Angry Julie Monday.