Sunday, February 20, 2011

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Bloggy Blues

Sunday, how did you come around so fast?  WTF?  A week, really?  OK, if you say so... (I must be getting old, this time speeding up thing is getting really out of hand.)

OK, I'm going to stop promising "no more whining" like I did here last week.  Because you know it's going to happen again.  Like today.  Sorry I feel like crap.  I can't WAIT to be off the antibiotics, they really do mess with my head.

I've been suffering bouts of blog envy lately, and I really don't like feeling that way. You know the "why does she have 1500 followers and get 100 comments on every post when I only have 170 and usually only get a handful of comments and she's been blogging for less time than I have" thing. Sigh. Resisting the urge to try to change my blog or my voice to become more "popular." time to shake my head clear and get over THAT.

And the funny thing is that while I've been running all over the internet reading other people's blogs and comparing myself to them? I haven't been doing what I love best, which is writing. My own stuff. DUH.

So I’m unhappy. That I’m not writing. So what do I do? Do I write? DUH, that would make sense, so no… Read more other peoples stuff. Go on Twitter and listen in on other peoples scintillating conversations and not join in but feel bad I’m not included. Check my sitemeter every 5 minutes and feel bad no one new came. Oh, someone came, but they stayed for less than a minute. Why do I do this to myself?

And thank goodness I got my period Friday night (sorry for the TMI, guy readers of which I have maybe 10) because that helped explain some of my blues.  I call the down day or 2 before the event my “seeing the world through shit-colored glasses” time.

And when I feel like this? Five minutes with the kids exhausts me. And don’t you know it’s school vacation week! And I would be looking forward to spending time with the kids, if we all could do the same fun things, if my kids actually enjoyed being with each other.

Actually that’s not the problem. Jacob loves being with Ethan, wants to play together all the time.  Ethan would prefer for his twin brother to be swallowed by a black hole never to reappear again. And I have a week of this to look forward to: Jacob pleading and pining and Ethan yelling and rejecting, unless I separate them, but there are two of them and only one me.

So I guess maybe this is also why I have been tiptoeing a little too much through the tulips of other people’s bloggy lives, and obsessing about truly meaningless trivial things like my blog stats lately: Escape baby, escape from the crap that is my life. Sigh.

Time to catch an hour of sleep before Sunday with the kids is upon me. I love them, I do, I just wish family time existed in any sort of easy way right now. And can I add?? Autism sucks!
That's all, folks! 

New to Stream of Consciousness Sundays?  Here's the skinny:
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell-checking. This is writing in the raw.
You can do it, too!  Click on the link and let's hear your 5 (or so) minutes of brilliance...

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