Now that my blog has turned one year old and I've had my blogaversary, I thought I might be revisiting some significant days from last year, able to compare where I was then to where I am now. See where the great wheel's full rotation has brought me.
What I conveniently forgot in those lovely grandiose thoughts was that this time last year was all about the process of my father's dying. I did not write a Valentine's Day post last year. Romantic thought was far, far from my mind, and even the love of and for my children was somehow faded, mashed into the background as the grinding up of my heart in the maw of my father's slow and utter disintegration, his ridiculously drawn out demise, took full possession of the foreground of my life.
And this year? I am still just. not. there. I have spent the last day traipsing around the inter-webs, reading my friends' beautiful heartfelt posts of love for their mates and children. They have filled me up, warmed my soul like soup on a frigid day. I have felt that I should write one of my own, but it just isn't in me today, all worn thin by life right now.
I love my kids and my husband boundlessly. My sweet (and delightfully spicy) widowed mother, too. The love for my wonderful, now nearly a year dead father still lurches around in my heart, where it will always find purchase.
But the space I would have to be in to write a sweet post? Just will not come to me today.
And please don't think I am all doom and gloom. I have been to the land of sweetness and light, many times between last year and this. I wrote a love letter to my boys about their birth on their birthday last year. I celebrated their delightful little selves in many a post.
It's just that I am coming up on the one year anniversary of the hardest times, and memories of the end game keep washing up to keep me ghostly company. And I have, of late, been ill; sleepless and ill tempered, too.
So if you want to read a lovely Valentine's Day post? Visit my friends.
Try this one: my sweet valentine
Or this lovely post: Everything Good Between Men and Women
Or go here: uncomplicated love
Or how about this: Better With
(And for a very funny, but decidedly NOT G-rated read? Go here: Hat-flinging)
And? Hopefully? Next year? Here, too.
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