Sunday, December 19, 2010

Stream of Consciousness Sunday: Surgery on my Mind

I am glad to finally have a chance to participate in another "Stream of Consciousness Sunday" writing meme, hosted by the lovely Fadra. 

The rules are such:
  • Set a timer and write for 5 minutes only.
  • Write an intro to the post if you want but don’t edit the post. No proofreading or spell-checking. This is writing in the raw.

I am such an over-thinker, this is always a challenge for me, but also why it's fun: to just let go once in a while, be raw and unpolished -- how liberating.  OK, setting the timer and letting 'er rip......


Ask me to take my filters out and write what;s on my mind and one thing just dominates all else: surgery. I have a surgery date now: January 5th. On January 5th a guy is going to come into a room and take a piece out of me. I am going to lose an organ I was born with, and in spite of all the trouble that thing has been giving me lately I'm going to miss my gall bladder.

Not that i even knew I had one until about a week ago.

But still, I have had the great good fortune in my life to be relatively healthy. the head cold and stomach bug here and there, a little endometriosis, probably But no medical procedures until my IVF, no hospitalizations or surgery until my twins were born via c-section 8 and a half years ago.  And those were happy reasons to be doing all things medical (not that the fertility stuff wasn;t fraught in its own way. I have never been more anxious in my life than during those two hopeful dreadful weeks waiting to find out if the IVF "took") And since then? Nothing too.

But this surgery stuff? Its scary, even though they say it's a big nothing, since its now done laparoscopically and not the fish gut surgery it used to be. But still to me? it's something. a something that thoughts of will be my constant companion until its done. January 5th.

And then I'll just be a whiny cranky bitch for a week or so, because have i mentioned i really hate pain and make a terrible patient?   And the kids? don't even get me started on how the kids are going to react to all this.  I am guessing: not well.  Surgery - crap!

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