Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Sometimes I get lucky

Me with Ethan, July 29.2002

My lovely friend Nichole asked me to be a part of a story she was telling over at SheKnows.com this week, in which fourteen moms who “beat infertility” share their tales of success along with the baby pictures to prove it.

In spite of wanting children for many years, I started on the path to motherhood very late, being nearly forty when I married my husband (twelve years ago yesterday!). And so we moved quickly into the whole fertility game after only three months of trying the "fun way."

We were very lucky; our first IVF "took."  We have had so many challenges in our lives since, I don't think back to that time all that often, but those two years between our wedding day and the day our boys were born were hard.  I know others have had fertility issues that went on much, much longer. But also I knew that we were racing the clock, and that things could easily have gone the other way for us (in which case we would probably be the parents of a little Chinese girl instead of a pair of boys).

I have nearly completely forgotten all the public tears I quietly shed, when surrounded by heavily pregnant women in my family friendly neighborhood on yet another day the pee stick showed a single forlorn pink line. I sobbed into my pillow more nights than I ever had over any boy or girl from my youthful days of frequent and dramatic heartbreaks.

It is really true though, how the mind smooths over the rough times as you go forward. And my family keeps me way too busy to dwell on the past much.

But when I do think about it, I am astonished at how lucky we are, and perpetually grateful to the wonders of modern reproductive medical science for our boys.

And I am happy and proud to be telling my success story over at SheKnows. And I am in such great company, as so many of the other moms there are my friends from far and wide (Listen to Your Mother, Special Needs parents, twin moms, BlogHer buddies, etc. etc.) and lovely writers, all.

I hope you get a chance to click over and read all the amazing stories there.

And finally, thanks again, Nichole, for including me in this wonderful cohort. And... good luck to you!


  1. Isn't it great when you have that little bundle?!?!
    I had some fertility issues - i found out i had endometriosis when i was 22 - not such a great start to married life. Luckily, i had a fantastic doctor who told me that i WOULD get pregnant when the time came - he would make sure of it!!!
    I did have the comments from my mum - when am i going to be a gran? and a supremely nasty one from my sis in laws then boyfriend, who became her hubbie and is now the ex. Matthew and i had been married 6 months and this guy says to me (out of hearing range of matthew and hos sis) "i'd have you pregnant by now if we were married". Mmmm - superstud - NOT and i was really upset because at that point, iwasn't sure it would ever happen. Happen it di, with thankfully minimal clinical help. Said doc was chuffed, i have 3 kids now and got rid of the reproductive bits because they were still causing P A I N!!! Same doc who originally saw me did the surgery and he said that i'd prob done the right thing having my kids young. but i was lucky!

  2. Oh, Varda...you are so lovely.
    I will be forever grateful to you for sharing your story of hope and miracles.
    And even more grateful for your friendship.
    Much love to you...

  3. Sigh. I love a happy ending - but you are right, the pain gets smoothed over, but it never quite goes away. I tell myself that it builds my empathy for others. Anyway, I love your story and I love that your boys were at the end of the heartache.

  4. I love that picture -- your face reflects a million emotions, and I love those orange-sized little newborn heads. I do remember those days very clearly, though. So many precise, painful yet ultimately euphoric moments: peeing on sticks (bought from Duane Reade) in Starbucks bathrooms, seeing pregnant women come into the fertility practice that ultimately "fired" me because I had a 1 or 2 percent chance of giving birth, getting told "get dressed and come into the other room and we'll talk," which I hadn't realized was code for "there's no heartbeat." And then my one good egg somehow turning into Moochie, after having finished adoption paperwork because I decided I didn't have to give birth, I just wanted to be someone's mom. Strange days indeed. BTW: You don't look any older now than then. How the eff do you do that? Oh, yeah: mom's genes. (Better than mom jeans any day.)

  5. My daughter will be attempting in vitro soon. I hope she gets lucky the first time, too, because that is all they can afford.



I am so sorry to have to turn word verification back on, but the spam-bots have found me - yikes!